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| Since when did "Brush Script" become the de facto font for all things "Famous"?? |
There’s nothing wrong with Famous Dave’s that NOT BEING
Famous Dave’s wouldn’t fix. Just being greeted
and seated and is an ordeal. I felt
like I was getting a tour of the Cinzetti’s buffet or, worse, like I had
slipped into Office Space’s Chotchkie's restaurant. A hundred people greeted me and the gal who
seated me gave me a walking tour of the joint… of course, she was six feet in
front of me and looking forward as she prattled on. I thought she was giving me options of where
I wanted to sit. When I finally got her
to stop and look at me it turns out she was telling me where the bathrooms
were. I guess I had that “gotta go” look
in my eyes. (Exiting was the same or
worse. Almost a dozen loitering
employees demanded I answer in the affirmative to their “How was everything?” interrogation.)
If you dine at any of KC’s hundred or so ‘Q joints you
realize how different they are from the Chili’s and Applebee’s of the
world. Your waiter is not pimping
watermelontini’s or pigeondookie appetizers.
It’s a simple process – order eat.
Not so for FD. The waiters, who
are all “Famous”, impose upon you some Tom Clancy-level explanation of every
item on the menu as if they invented barbeque and you
never heard of it before.
After I ordered, I thought I’d be left alone for a moment to
read some emails. Not so fast. “Famous Chris” sprang back to my table with a
ramekin of thick-cut potato chips and a large saucer onto which he intended to
splurt each of five varieties of bbq sauce and to describe each one in
depth. I dismissed him summarily
explaining I knew how to taste food for myself.
I had escaped nothing. The Saucy
Sommeliers performed their Wikipedia recital for every customer around me… “The
Devil’s Spit is our most flavorful and zesty sauce with strong peppery
notes. The Georgia Goober Loogie sauce
is a delightful array of vinegars and mustards with a bright paprika finish.” If you think I’m exaggerating one bit, well,
you’ve never been to Famous Dave’s. It
was as annoying as having a three year old tell you about a flower they once
saw… and far less endearing.
Food, oh yes, I had some food. I ordered the “Texas* Manhandler” a hamburger
bun unbrimming with brisket and spicy hot links.
The brisket was perfect! Tender +
Smoke Ring + Bark. Perfect – albeit chopped
in postage stamp-sized pieces instead of just sliced. The hot link was the kind of dog you’d get at
a minor league ballpark in Utah. Fine,
mushy grind with enough red pepper to keep you from suing it for impersonating
boloney. At $9.99, this is easily the
worst value for a barbeque sandwich to be found anywhere.
If you’re sequestered in some northern clime where barbeque
is conceptually or logistically impractical, then I think a plate or two of
Famous Dave’s a year won’t kill you (unlike Vinnie the Squid will when he figures
out where you eat). My buddy, Mr. Baldwin (oops), gets to eat
all the smoked salmon he pleases. I’d
stick to that and leave the barbeque to the locals in KC.
* The menu features a lot of dishes with Texas in the name. For a national chain based in Minnetonka, MN, this
is an unseemly and unwarranted fixation.
